Don’t panic!

I’ve been partly inspired to write this post because of a post I have just read and also because. ME,  yes me is getting married in 4 months.

We got engaged in 2013. I don’t think I really ever thought we would actually get to a day that we would get married. I mean, I never thought about not being Miss Willow. Now there is some kind of self pressure to be Mrs pillow ( random surname).


I’ve never particularly liked my surname -people always pronounce it  Bode –lee. and not Bod -lee.

What are the odds that me,a person with an Eating disorder has the word ‘bod’ in their surname?)I’ve never been picked on for it, but it has been a part of me for 34 years.


When did I want to be a Mrs?

Oh, I want to get married now. I never ever wanted to get married.

What changed?

What difference will getting married do for our relationship?

Well ,we get to have an awesome day with a small bunch of people to celebrate it with. My Ma is helping to fund a lot with our wedding. She has become Mama Bridezella.


I’m reaching out for the Valium. I am getting panic attacks. Some idea that started out so small and on a low budget has eloped. In its place something  quite extravagant has unpacked it’s bags. My wedding board on Pinterest in just full of beautiful picture after picture. The theme is vintage, lots of lace, Jazz new Orleans style music and High afternoon tea. My dress is all lace. check it out.  There are pearls and blinged up converse trainers. All bouquets and the corsages and made out of l silk  with gems. Here take a look


I am, for the first time, allowed to embrace me me me me !

. It’s all about the bride. I get to have it all my way.

Be a Diva. Every one has to put up with me for 24 hours! 

I’ve been a bit of a Diva most of my life. The wedding has deported Diva to wherever evicted divas go.


My mind is like a rickshaw.

Fragile. I am panicking.  

My head is now a vintage tea cup –   a spoon stirs around  sugar cubed thoughts- one thought – around and around. The spoon stirs  ‘hang on’, I jump up high and try my hardest to hold onto a thought  and it dissolves in my hand. A sticky syrupy mess.-all thoughts coagulated into some horrific family heirloom I want to throw out.    I have a new condition, Bullied bride syndrome.

  No honestly, 

Can I just say? My Ma is epic. She wants to give me the best day of my life. Not many people have some one like that in their lives. I am blessed. 

Apologies, I have digressed.

Back to the concept of me and a man/woman getting married. I’ve always been anti everything. -if society does one thing: I will do the opposite . That stubbornness could be the only thing that has  stood in the way of me wanting to get married. I am getting married to my soul mate!

How do we know this? 

Have we convinced ourselves that we are because we can’t back out now?



Have we just got stuck in a routine and the next milestone of life is marriage and then children?

I have a child btw ,so I am not traditional(‘at all’) is what I want to say.

Do I want to be pregnant again?

 Can’t I hire a concubine? 

These thoughts are mental.

Do I  even know my hubby-to -be as much as I think I do?

Am I good enough to be an awesome wife?

I am good enough but am I a wifey type of person?

What happens to wives?

what happens after the big day?

What is my role? 

Are there any lines I need to know?

Is their some secret script I get  once the rings are exchanged?

 What if I get stage fright half way through the marriage?

Forget my lines…. 



I refuse to be  called ‘the missus’ or ‘the wifey’. I hate those terms. I want to be adressed as Mrs dame pillow.. I’m waffling.. I wonder if we should have waffles with our High tea? 

This post is starting to get far too silly.I have always thought I was super organised. I’m not in this setting. In this wedding-y context.

 When I wanted to get stuff done -everyone was like,

‘ Oh hunny, wait. we have oodles of time.’

Now they are saying,

‘We only  have four months!  There’s the invitations, the cake- sponge or chocolate? Make it ourselves?  no order one!  how many tiers?, a tea cup on top? , Head pieces?  A veil? no mother no veil? NO VEIL !,  No veil. Flowy braids in our hair?,  music?, personal vows? If it is so personal then can I keep them to myself?

What if I fall? Or need the loo ?

What if everyone hates the day? I’m not having an night do.There will be an after party for two guests in the bridal suite. The noises- the screams- all mine, the banging of my  head agaisnt the head board 

‘ Can you stop snoring and interfering with my sleep?’ 

Can you tell I am just ever so slightly panicking?

Do I know the true meaning of love?

What does it mean again? 

Oh dear. My heads inn a bit of a tizz.

I know, I will post some pics for you to take a look. The sunflower theme has faded and appears rather jaded now 😦 . It’s all about the pearls.

My mother is a bully.

The worst thing of all is, my Nan, gets back to the U.K. from a 3 month holiday in ,South Africa,this month!She is a bully too.

Just call me Mrs marionette from now on……………………………………………………………….. somewhere in this post there is a message that ‘love is the answer… 



Posted on Feb 9, 2016, in MY WORLD, UNCATAGORISED and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Awww. Don’t panic. It will be an epic day…and an epic time awaits for many moons to come.:-)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Advanced Research Technology

    Just let it happen. It will be perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations! I can honestly say that I never expected to get married. I just didn’t feel like the marrying kind. Now, I couldn’t be happier. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you .When did you get married? I literally ave woken up -it is 5 a.m, and I first read part of your comment like this ‘ I can honestly say that I never expected YOU to get married’ hahahaa. Coffee hasn’t kicked in yet,


  4. All will be well, don’t panic, let Mom and Nan run around if they so wish. I honestly let the whole wedding arrange itself, I think I got a few bits to put on the tables 2 weeks before, and that was a bit of an afterthought. Needless to say the day was perfect, I kind of thought “what is the worse that can happen?” the cake could fall off the table – I would have laughed – I could have fallen off the table – I didn’t – he turned up – well, I locked him in the hotel the night before – he couldn`t escape. Its your day, make sure you enjoy every minute of it – please don’t worry xxx


    • I may just fall off the table. I have ordered a mojhito at the reception . Glad I am not the only one who feels a bit like a deer in the head lights . Some brides are so organised. I don’t know how they do it. Lets hope hubby only realises what he and who he ha married before he has had time to shake the rice out of his shoes haha

      Liked by 1 person

  5. ❤ It's going to be ok. You still have time to scratch the whole thing and just decorate with a bunch of sunflowers and do what makes YOU happy. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like you . Care to tell my Mom and Nan that? hahaha. I think it is awesome what they are doing tbh. They have ideas and such generous hearts. Our day is going to be a dream. I’m just being a diva ! 😀


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