I’ve been given a challenge in the blogging world by the lovely  #poetryJochallenge

Thank yo so much for this unexpected challenge Jodie . hahaha so The first day of the challenge is to write

who am I?

What makes me ,me?

My brain has gone silent. No chirping. I imagine all my receptor minions with a finger up their nose going ‘duh well shucks…’

Nevertheless  challenge accepted,

I just googled ‘who am I?’

According to Psychology today. I am pretty screwed to answer that question for 3 apparent reasons

Our Brain Is Programmed to Make Up Stuff

The Desire for Self-Discovery Can Interfere with Discovering the Self 

The “I” Is More Complicated than the Mind Can Conceive

So how the hell am I going to answer this? I guess from my intro I am an analytical person and I like facts. I also like to challenge facts and myself.

I decided to tap into my more spiritual side and did a small quiz. I don’t know if this is cheating but I like questions that I can answer 100% truthfully.

Before I tell you what the quiz reveals about who I am. I do know that I over stretch myself a lot. I want to be a support to everyone. Already in the next to weeks. I’m going on my local radio station to talk about my issues related to mental health. I’m meeting up with a potential co -producer to formulate a recovery and support group for people with eating disorders. Hopefully, it should be up and running by Spring 2016. I am going to a meeting with another charity to discuss how the secured funding for their charity should be spent.

Eek! I have also got a meeting to talk about fund raising ideas for ‘healthy minds’ . I need to see my Gran who is in a care home. I need to be there for my Mom. I am planning a wedding for June 2016!  I need to connect with my daughter and go to watch her do tap and ballet and be involved with her. I need to give love to my partner. I need to exercise everyday.

I love my cat -Tatiana- even though she pees everywhere except in her box. The only time she does her business in her box is when we put her in the kitchen in a warm snugly box, with blanket, when we go out and at night when we are asleep.

I am a person with a good heart and who cares. I also fuck up! I’m not a great person to be around if I’m drinking loads of alcohol. I end up compromising all my values – one being loyalty and being faithful.  I think I may be a bit of a control freak.  I like a clean home. I don’t need lots of money. I am poor but I get by and we have everything we need. I don’t marry for money. I marry for love. My friendships are not based on money- although I use money to cheer them up when I can i.e. to buy a bunch of flowers.

There are  a bunch of adjectives to describe who I am. I hardly ever cry. I don’t see it as a weakness but I have to hold the fort. I am terrified I will lose my mind if I cry.  I try not to be my illness but it is a crafty bugger. Rears its lurching head at the worst times imaginable.

My motto’s

‘Knowledge is power’

‘Always look for the silver lining’

Says a bit about what makes me ME!  I try to balance negative experiences by taking away something I can use in my life  in the future. Something useful and positive. I’m always reading on every subject I can. I’m always doing something. I can’t not do anything.

When I love.. I do with all my heart.

I am honest to a fault. I am brutally honest. I don’t pay lip service I don’t do chit chat.It is superficial and boring.

My music tastes vary. I am a massive fan of  Edith Piaf, Nina Simone, Ray Charles, Billy holiday, house music, nine inch nails, skunk Anansie, Chopin. I connect and  express my emotions through the medium of music.

Back to the quiz which isn’t really a quiz because my answers are my own

Answer one: I would be a well established writer. I would travel the world writing about it and different cultures. I would get my teeth re done and try out acting and modelling. Mainly for the skills and stunts you learn on set and the different characters you get to explore and create. Oh and I wouldn’t mind having a celebs wardrobe.  I would move to the Caribbean or at least  Cornwall -somewhere by the sea. I would be a paid charity worker for people with mental health issues.  I quite fancy becoming a DJ. but exploring the world is big want.

Answer two: I’m honest. I am ambitious. I am far from being perfect but I try and trying is better than not doing. Don’t screw with me or else I will cut you off.  I will always be a success story. Tell me about you?

Answer three easy one. I will list 5-

• LOVE

• HONESTY

• LOYALTY

• RESPECT

• NON -JUDGEMENTAL

Answer four: I am happy when I feel loved. I am happy when my daughter tells me she loves me. I am happy when people like me and see me as an honest person who they can trust. No person in my opinion can ever truly be happy without self respect and respect from others. It took me a while to figure this out . If someone betrayed me that would be it..  I give loyalty to all those I care about and I expect the same. I am happy when I am around people that like my quirks. They may not get them or understand them but they let me be me. I also am happy when someone makes me laugh. I love being around funny people. I find it easy to bounce off funny people. I am also happy when there is order. I hate chaos.

Answer 5 – I would want to travel when I want, I would study for my masters in creative writing. I would live comfortably. Minimalist  but tasteful décor. I would live as close to the sea as I can get. It is such a hard question. Of course there are materialistic things I think would be awesome. I’m only fucking human. If money was no object I would fund research for Dementia, cancer and mental health issues and find a cure. I’d update my wardrobe and buy make up I like. I’d take care of my family. Give them financial security and emotional security. If money was no object I would have a lot of responsibilities I know that.

Hope this is good enough for day one of your challenge Jodie 😉 -I have really enjoyed it. I mean who doesn’t like to talk or write about themselves 😀