What are your triggers?
Week nine already. I’ve had a bit of a hectic month. Any NaNoWriMos who read this will know my pain. End of another month. In a few weeks, our three-month WRAP course will be over! What am I going to do with my Wednesday mornings? This is a rather late update. Apologies!
So, let’s get down tonight and make this a Wrap to remember
( humming to that cheesy song that I don’t know the title to)
Week 9 and as promised we went back to click here for a link to triggers and we action planned one. This trigger is a more generalised trigger, in the context, that most people can relate to this situation
Dealing with difficult people. This can be your boss, your ex – anybody.
now that we have identified what the trigger is -It becomes 100% easier to brainstorm ideas of how we can respond to and deal with these triggers. There are plenty of techniques I’ve learned over the weeks and some of those have made it onto MY EARLY WARNING SIGN LIST- DO YOU HAVE ONE TOO?. If you can bounce ideas off with someone supportive do try that too. A problem shared and halved and all that jazz!
The most important advice I took with me from this weeks session is too practice a wise-mind. Be mindful. Try and find some peace in that small place where your emotional part of your brain overlaps with your rational part of the brain.
Another technique I learned about is what is called Non-Violent Communication.
The Basics of Non-violent Communication (NVC)
Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand and diagnose — to think and communicate in terms of what is “right“ and “wrong“ with people.
We express our feelings in terms of what another person has “done to us.” We struggle to understand what we want or need in the moment, and how to effectively ask for what we want without using unhealthy demands, threats or coercion. As founder of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. says,
“What others do may be a stimulus of our feelings, but not the cause.”
- Mind your own business
A rescuer should aim to move to being a caring person
- Stop basing your self esteem on helping others
- Help people. Without letting them become dependant on you.tell the victim that they are the best person to work out their own shit.
- Stop feeling sorry for people. Stop enabling by giving money, advice or support.
- Ask the victim how you can help them. What do they want from you?
- Be empathetic not sympathetic -share your experiences – put yourself in their shoes don’t tell them what to do with advice. You don’t know what it is really like for a person who is going through a rough time in whatever context.
- Set limits/ boundaries on your caring
- SAY NO
A victim should aim to move to a more vulnerable role.
- Admit your own vulnerability and pain without lashing out at every other person but yourself
- Stop expecting people to rescue you and tell people you don’t need a hero to rescue you.
- Think and problem solve for yourself. Ask for help if you need it. Be assertive not passive
- Build your self-belief and your self esteem by taking action yourself. Recognise that you have the power and can use it appropriately
- Walk away from people who don’t respect your boundaries. Your triggers and feelings are good indicators for knowing when a boundary has been crossed. Your VALUES LIST from week Five is handy to read over.
- Accept that you are okay. you are cool.
HOW CAN I/YOU/WE stay out of the drama triangle?
- learn how to feel guilty without acting on that feeling of guilt.
- Listen- without doing anything -the whole two ears one mouth thing applies here.
- Don’t make assumptions about people. It is hard to not judge. If you are going to judge try and do it with a kind heart.
- DO NOT underestimate how resourceful people are when they have no alternative choice but to hep themselves
- Mix with positive and like minded people
- Set boundaries. Walk away from those who disrespect you. If you need help with identifying boundaries look at your values list.
- wise-mind – tone down you emotions and try and be objective not subjective and be logical not irrational
- Be clear and honest about what you need
That is it! Have an awesome thanks giving Black Friday and weekend.
P.S. I will also update a small tips guide to over -thinking and social comparison Something else we covered this week.