I’ve been bummed out for three days. I keep going onto my WordPress site and wondering what the hell to write about. This conjures up negative and totally unhelpful thoughts about my ability to be creative. What is that quote ‘Your thoughts manifest your reality’ or something like that? I guess I can see a whole lot of truth in that. So what has been going on with moi?
I spent a bittersweet day with my three uncles who swept in from France and Miami, my cuz, my Nan to celebrate my Gran’s 81st birthday. I was blown away by how on the form she was. She toasted my mind when she looked at my Nan’s (Dad’s side) handbag and uttered these words ‘tres jolie’
Hello! She hasn’t said a proper word in over a year. Then she came out with ‘J’taime’. Amazing shit. She even laughed when my uncles joked about. She was soaking up the family vibes like a paper saturated LSD sheet, that after a couple of hours non stop twittering, she couldn’t keep up with everything that was going on and so we left her to chill and repose.
We all went to the place I am getting married on 22/06/2016
to have English tea and other fancies. I felt a slight tinkle of pity for the waiter then thought to fuck it, he is getting paid for this.. We all just rocked up demanding High tea. Not just any cup of chaar know. He had other demanding tables to wait on and he had to get out all the fine china out and set a table for nine. The two non- tea drinkers of the day demanding a drink. Waiter becomes barman. Should he maybe get a superhero hashtag? It took so long far too long to receive my drink so I thought I might as well order two. Seriously over half an hour to shake up a cocktail and pull a fine draught of ale? The thought did cross my mind to ask if we had decided to downgrade and have ‘low tea’ as opposed to high tea, would that hurry the waiter/barman up/china crackpot to point us to our table.
We had a flip flapping time. Crumbs of Easy conversation and catching up. Lashings of Laughter, the clinking of inhouse family jokes peppered along with scones, clotted cream, creme brulee. tarts, crust free sandwiches and watches. Sounds like I’m straying into Lewis Carroll’s mad hatter party territory. Let me enlighten thee, My twin uncles decided to buy everyone a watch. I’m no-name brand dropper but it’s a good one. It tick-tocks. Hahaha. They left on Saturday and I didn’t want to see them go. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I left our Rendez -Vous on a high.
Other news from the languished fields of Grasse. Imagine a delicate fleur’s petals being pressed into an uncompromising position and so decides to use its fragrance like a weapon. I too have been put into many -ahem… positions this afternoon. Ha, don’t be so dirty-minded. Or is that moi?
THE BEASTER has
totally beasted me. I do genuinely feel like puking every time I finish her workouts.
Aaaaaaw I’ve been so spoilt. Earlier today my Ma and my other uncle stopped by for a natter-he bought a beautiful gift for all of us. A gold cross for my daughter, an Italian dog tag for the hubby to be and a gorgeous Senegalese necklace for me. It is meant to bring good luck.
I have been so touched by the love and gestures of my uncles. My aunt was missed but ultimately we have to move on. Reminds me of another saying
‘If you are depressed you are living in the past and if you are anxious you are living in the future and if you are at peace you are living in the now’
I’ve been so low and anxious lately. I’ve had supercharged extremities in mood changes- rapid cycling – is the term most in the know use. I think I would rather do a 3-day spinning class than go through these mood changes. I am the proverbial ‘ mood ring’. Is the mood ring a proverbial phrase? Whatever it’s been done. I always get through it but it is iffy dogs bollocks. Yesterday, I thought- shall I get tanked up on alcohol? and then I thought I can’t be bothered. I can see no benefit to it other than a little merriment. When did I get so sensible, so not L’Enfant terrible’?
Perhaps, my now not-so-new coping skills have changed the dynamics of my crisscrossed, disjointed and colourful patterns in my brain of some my old behaviours. The grooves may or may not have got ‘groovier’ Depends on who you talk to on the subject of grooviness. This leads me to the ‘WRAP’ (up)course I’m doing. I’m so new to blogging and WordPress. I am trying to add a WRAP page with subcategories for all the different topics I will cover in the group so I can share it. So far so not succeeding on the website works.
I did it. Got a blog posted. FUCK that was hard. It might not win me an ‘awesome blog post’ award but I did it. mmmmmmmmmmmmh that reminds me of a wedding cake update I need to do…………
Posted on Sep 27, 2015, in WHAT'S ON MY MIND, WRITE TO RECOVER and tagged Bipolar disorder, Dementia, Emotions, family, Life habits, Living with Mental illness, Quotes, Self help. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.